A Conversation with My Father: On Consciousness, Purpose, and the Journey Within

In this deeply personal episode of "Surrendering to the Signs," I sit down with my 84-year-old father, Bob Gates, to explore his decades-long journey of self-discovery, the painful awakening that transformed his life, and the wisdom he's gained along the way.

When Life Forces You to Look Within

"For the first 35 or so years of my life, I was totally unconscious," Bob begins. "I was controlled by my environment, by my upbringing, by society, by the culture. I had no independent sense of a genuine, authentic self."

It's a confession that resonates in our current times, when so many feel overwhelmed and disconnected from their true selves. But what he shares next reveals the often painful catalyst that consciousness requires. Although my father was a college professor, author and photographer, he had never considered a different path until life forced him to look in the mirror.

The breakdown of my parent’s marriage - and therefore of our family when I was a teenager, forced introspection for the first time. "I had to look inside and see what was going on. Instead of being totally conditioned by the world I was brought up in, I learned some very painful things, but it was a radical shift in my experience."

The Therapist Who Changed Everything

At 37, Bob found himself in a therapist's office where something extraordinary happened. His therapist John, frustrated with the intellectual walls he had built, tried a different approach.

"He said, 'There's so much in your f***ing head. I'm frustrated. Let me try something different. Sit in that chair and enter your body at any point.'"

This made no sense at the time, but my Dad trusted him enough to try. What followed was a revelation about the parts of ourselves we keep hidden. [The full story of this transformative session and what he discovered about his inner landscape is detailed in the podcast.]

As Bob tells this story, he looks at me and says, "You probably know this man. You've probably seen this man, right?"

I know exactly what he was talking about. "The scary part of my dad and my mom breaking up is that at 15 years old I saw my dad cry for the first time in my life." Looking back at that night, it’s kind of shocking, but also not surprising, given the norms around men crying. I only saw my grandfather, my dad’s father cry a few years before he died, when he told me how much he loved my mother, and how painful their divorce was for him, feeling he was losing a daughter when my parents split up. Healing this kind of generational trauma is what doing this work is about

The Gift of Meditation

During a period of intentional isolation while my dad was living alone for two years, something remarkable happened.

"One morning I woke up in total bliss. In total absolute joyous, melting bliss. It didn't last. But it was a taste."

This experience revealed a fundamental truth: "Joy does not come from the outside. There is a kind of joy, satisfaction, and peacefulness that is available. It's our basic nature. It's who we really are. But only if we withdraw our attention from those things in the outer world which we had been told would provide happiness."

Signs and Divine Intervention

Throughout our conversation, my dad shares stories of how guidance appeared—not through conscious choosing but through what seemed like divine intervention. The impulse to pick up an art book despite never being interested in art. Later, buying colored pencils that led to channeling extraordinary images.

"I didn't do those drawings," he explains. "They came to me. I learned how to channel an artistic impulse that everybody has access to."

As he puts it, "Once you get that sense that there is some wider vision, purpose, impulse, spirit there somewhere, it's hard to walk away when you begin to trust that."

The Impact on Leadership and Power

Our conversation takes a brave turn as we discuss how his unconsciousness affected our family, which leads to a broader reflection on power and leadership.

"What's ironic is people not recognizing they have power," I tell him. "I don't think you realized how much your leadership of our family mattered until it wasn't there."

This observation extends beyond our family to the world at large. "There's a vacuum of leadership in so many ways. We are individuals who go up the ladder and have more power, but if we don't recognize that power, we're not using it appropriately."

[Listen to the full conversation to hear how this unconscious use of power affected our family and what we can learn from it.]

The Practice of Surrender at 84

When I ask about his current practice, Dad's response is beautifully simple: "My practice is to sit quietly and wait for whatever relieves the remaining sense of a conditioned self to fall away."

He describes becoming "a vessel, a portal, an access point where things come to me. When I try to make use of them for egotistic purposes, they go away."

Two profound messages came through his artistic practice: "Not to be used for your own free will" and "Did you think this was going to be easy, this journey you were taking all by yourself?"

Wisdom for the Next Generation

When I ask what advice he'd give to young people, his answer surprises me: "I wouldn't give advice unless I was asked." This from the man who gave me a lot of advice growing up!

But he does offer this: when someone comes with a problem, the key is turning inward. "If 99% of the problem is the other person causing it, you still are better off working on the 1% that is yours."

This gentle turning inward is where healing begins.

The Endless Path

Perhaps the most profound insight Bob shares is about the nature of the spiritual journey itself: "I'm still on the path. I will always be on the path. There's no endpoint. There's no revelation at the end. There's the continued path."

Every troubled emotion, every judgment, every unconscious reaction becomes an opportunity for further growth.

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This conversation reminds us that consciousness often comes through crisis, that healing requires looking within, and that the journey of awakening is both deeply personal and universally shared. Whether you're 16 or 84, the invitation remains the same: to surrender to the signs and allow your authentic self to emerge.

Listen to the full conversation on the "Surrendering to the Signs" podcast for the complete stories, including the profound therapy session that changed everything and deeper insights on family, power, and spiritual awakening.

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You can check out Bobs photo website here and also his author page on Amazon if you are interested in his work here

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Have you experienced your own moments of forced awakening? Share yours with Laura at laura@laurafrancesgates.com