Completion as a Portal: When Empty Space Becomes Freedom

Laura Gates
9 hours ago
6 min read

A conversation about listening to your body, letting go of what's complete, and finding nourishment in unexpected places

Sometimes the most transformative wisdom comes from people who've been walking alongside us for years, waiting for the right moment to reconnect.

Nancy Larocca Hedley and I met back in 2015 at a Wisdom 2.0 coaches experience, and from the moment I saw her on stage talking about coaching and chakras in a room full of Silicon Valley executives, I thought, "Who is this woman? She's speaking my language."

What I didn't know then was how much our partnership over the next few years would shape my own journey, or that nearly a decade later, Nancy would teach me one of the most important lessons about what it means to truly let go.

Nancy is an executive coach with deep Silicon Valley roots, former HR director at Yahoo, and now serves as a commissioner in Menlo Park working on sustainability. But what really drew me to her was how she links the inner work with the outer work, helping leaders bring visions into form while overcoming both the internal and external obstacles that arise on the journey.

Nancy and I went on to collaborate on some transformative experiences. We co-facilitated more traditional corporate events and a decidedly non-corporate experience at Wisdom 2.0 unplugged at Esalen in a yurt overlooking the ocean. We brought people together in San Francisco around the question of purpose. I led shamanic journeys while Nancy held space for people to access their intuition and inner wisdom. Those years from 2015 to 2017 were pivotal for both of us.

When Completion Becomes a Doorway

This summer, Nancy came across something that shifted everything for her. She saw a post from someone who goes by the Queen Code that said: "Completion is a portal."

"It just hit so deep," she told me.

At the time, she had all this finance and legal paperwork piling up, those not fun tasks we all tend to avoid. So she decided to declare it "completion as a portal month." Every single day, she committed to checking one thing off the list.

"As the month went on, I just felt myself lighter and lighter and lighter," she said. "It was huge."

But Nancy's relationship with completion hasn't always been so healthy. She remembers her very first HR job, back before everything was digital, when there were actual papers that needed to be filed.

"I remember feeling comfortable, almost like security, when I had a pile of papers that I needed to file," she admitted. "I noticed a discomfort if I didn't have anything to do on my desk, almost like, well, if I do all the things, am I needed?"

It wasn't just paperwork either. Looking back, there were relationships she was in that she should have ended. Work that no longer felt purposeful but she kept doing anyway. A calendar so completely packed that when one of her best friends would call, she'd have to say, "Yeah, I can see you in like two weeks and we can talk for 20 minutes then."

"I think part of me wouldn't complete," she said. "I was worried about what I would do with this empty space. It felt kind of like an existential crisis if I didn't have things to do and a filled up calendar."

Now things feel very different. She's practicing surrendering to space and emptiness, seeing what becomes available when she makes herself available to the world.

Your Body Always Knows

Sometimes the universe sends you subtle signs. Other times, it sends a melanoma.

In early 2007, Nancy was approaching ten years at Yahoo. Her daughter had been born a few months prior. A close family member passed away unexpectedly. Her partner at the time had serious health issues. And then Nancy found a melanoma on her right foot, and she's right footed.

"I didn't put this together until much later," she told me. "But after all of these things happened, I just realized it was time. It was almost ten years at Yahoo. It was time to move on. I wanted to be there for my daughter. I wanted more flexibility in my life."

She ended up leaving midway through that year. But maybe a year or two later, something deeper clicked.

"That melanoma, it was time for me to step forward," she said. "The location of that mole was really important. But I somehow felt it at an intuitive level and then put the pieces together later."

What Nancy knew at the time was simpler but just as profound. Her life force was too precious to be spending it on things that were no longer satisfying or meaningful.

"For a long time, working at Yahoo felt very purposeful and exactly what I was supposed to be doing," she explained. "But then over time, that shifted. Is this how I want to be spending my energy that feels very, very precious?"

That learning has stayed with her. Now it shows up in more subtle ways. What kind of dreams is she having? Is she sleeping well? Does her stomach feel in knots when she thinks about talking to a certain person, or does she feel expansion and possibility?

"My body has a lot of wisdom for me," Nancy said.

The Freedom on the Other Side of Discomfort

Nancy identifies as an Enneagram type seven, which comes with a tendency to want to always fill up and have fun things to look forward to. So for her, sitting with spaciousness, silence, and even uncomfortable emotions has been essential.

"I think for everyone, the discomfort that it takes to get out of our egos, you know, the way we think we need to be in order to survive, it's going to involve some discomfort," she said. "What's the thing that's uncomfortable that we might want to lean into a little bit more? And then on the other side of that, discovering more and more freedom."

One week, three different people told Nancy how their lives had changed for the better after getting off caffeinated coffee.

Nancy took it as a sign. She tried going cold turkey and spent entire afternoons on the couch. Her daughter, wise beyond her years at 15, suggested weaning gradually: three quarter caff, then 50 percent, then 25 percent.

"That is brilliant. I am going to do that," Nancy thought.

The same thing happened with alcohol. Nancy's body simply can't metabolize what it used to.

"It was kind of a comfort, social thing," she explained. "But I've realized that I'd rather make choices that are nourishing than ones that are depleting."

“I don't drink alcohol anymore either, and there's incredible freedom behind that. It's just not part of my vocabulary anymore.”

"I am more committed to my freedom than whatever short term thing that seems fun but actually isn't," Nancy said.

When Vegas Teaches You to Dance

When Nancy turned 40, a friend organized a Vegas trip. Nancy resisted. "I don't want to go to Vegas. Can't we go to Napa?"

Her friend shut that down. "No, we're going to Vegas. Just stop whining and buy your ticket."

They ended up staying out dancing until six in the morning.

"I remembered in this unexpected way how much I loved to dance," she said. Dancing had been huge for her as a kid, but had fallen away. That Vegas trip sent her on a quest that yielded incredible blessings and people in her life.

"I felt this aliveness in myself that I hadn't felt in so long," she said.

Nancy eventually found ecstatic dance and Five Rhythms communities where everyone moves together with the music in non-verbal communication.

"In a world of so much talking, it was really freeing to not talk but also be in community at the same time," she said.

The Practice of Non-Stealing

Years ago, Nancy taught me something I still use in my coaching. She was studying the yamas, the restraints in yoga philosophy. One of them is “non-stealing.”

Nancy's insight: if you're doing work that is not yours to do, you're stealing from others the work that they could be doing.

This hit me hard. Not only is it not a good idea to do what's not yours to do, but you're actually stealing it from someone else. You're robbing someone of an opportunity.

I use this all the time now when people say, "Oh, I know I should delegate this." And I'm like, "Yeah, you're actually stealing it from them."

I’ve Learned from this Conversation

Completion isn't an ending, it's truly a portal to what's next.

I've had so many completions this past year. In the moment, there's discomfort. That voice that asks, "Am I being rejected?" But underneath that, there's often relief.

Nancy reminded me about guarding space. Not from other people, but from myself. My tendency to fill up my own calendar, to say yes before I ask "what do I need?"

I get up at 3 or 4 AM sometimes, and I realized in our conversation that I love those dark hours because no one needs anything from me. Everyone is sleeping.

Nancy asked me, "Will you be okay if nobody needs you?" That's the challenge. What would it look like to be truly available to ourselves? To trust that empty space isn't something to fear but something to embrace? Nancy's teaching me that sometimes the most radical act is to complete what needs completing, sit with the discomfort of spaciousness, and trust what wants to emerge.

Listen to the full conversation to hear more about Nancy's journey from seeking to finding, her work with Kriya Yoga and meditation, insights on the Enneagram, crucial conversations, and building local community through dance. Find Nancy at https://www.illumine-consulting.com/