Be Your Own Guru: Reflections on Season 2

As I sit down to wrap up season two of Surrendering to the Signs, I'm astounded at how far we've come on this journey. It might sound kind of strange, but as a coach and facilitator who works with people every day, I think of this podcast as a homework assignment I give my clients. The way we've ordered these conversations and the topics I've chosen are like little trainings - ways I can show through storytelling the concepts I believe are helpful as we navigate life and the world, especially in these times of chaos and complexity.

The stories are illustrative of experiences I think can help guide us, give us hope, give us little landmarks along the way. So when someone calls me asking for guidance, sometimes I'll say, listen, why don't you hop on over to the podcast and listen to this episode, or that episode, and see if that can't give you some insights. Then once you've listened, circle back to me and we'll talk more about it.

I wanted to wrap up this season with some of my takeaways and insights from the conversations now that we've had a little time go by and they've been out in the world. What was interesting to listeners? What have they learned? How have they been inspired by our guests?

Jana's Journey: The Courage to Act

For me, the power of Jana's conversation was about her willingness to not only listen to her body's wisdom, but act on her body's wisdom. The story she tells about driving into Paris and feeling sicker and sicker, feeling like she cannot live in Paris even though she's just about to move her entire life and her partner's life there for work - and her partner actually honors her request to leave. They end up somewhere else.

She had several examples where her body was clearly indicating that the place she was in or the life she was leading was not working any longer, and she needed to make a change. The fact that she had the courage to act on that is the most poignant part of the story. Because often we might know something for a very long time is not working for us, and yet we're too afraid to act on it.

We feel societally it doesn't look good. We're going to disrupt people's lives. We're going to make people unhappy. So we stay in situations that aren't working for us any longer, and that doesn't go well. I can certainly attest to those experiences in my own life. When we're finally honest with ourselves and honest with others, it can be profoundly healing and a breakthrough.

Listen to the episode here.

Read Jana's story here.

Tim's Journey: Raw Vulnerability That Saves Lives

Tim's journey through alcoholism and recovery was the most raw, vulnerable interview we've done to date. I pretty much was quiet a lot of the time and let him share his story, and I'm so grateful that he did.

I know for a fact several people have gone into recovery thanks to that interview. I know for a fact it reinforced for a lot of other people either decisions they had already made around alcohol, or that they passed it on to loved ones and friends. It was life changing for many people.

If this podcast has done nothing but impact those people who heard that conversation and Tim's story, we have done our job. It has saved lives. I am absolutely convinced of that.

Listen to the episode here.

Read Tim's story here.

Nancy: Everyone Needs a Nancy in Their Back Pocket

Nancy LaRocca, who's also a coach and facilitator - I've had the joy of working with her and collaborating over the years. I love how she sees the world. She's someone I go to for wisdom and advice when I'm in times of confusion. She's so calm in her approach. She's so measured in how she goes through life, even though she might be struggling with things happening around her.

We all need a Nancy in our back pocket.

What I loved about her story was talking about the tools of the Enneagram and her wisdom because she's been doing it for so long. I've been thinking a lot about our conversation in terms of my type, which is being of service to others, being helpful to others. Many people I work with fall into that trap of over-giving, over-helping at the expense of our own well-being. But there's a part of that that can be how we get love, how we get attention, how we get acknowledgment.

I've been saying this a lot lately - growing up in my family, I was the firstborn. Then my parents had two children pretty quickly after. What I was acknowledged for, rewarded for, was being self-sufficient, being helpful, being ahead of the curve. Every step towards self-sufficiency was rewarded and encouraged.

I very much liked the reward. I enjoyed being helpful. I enjoyed being of service, and I still do very much. But when that is the recipe we learn and are conditioned to get love, that becomes a pattern ingrained in us, an unconscious way of operating that we don't even realize we're doing.

No matter how old you are, you can still fall into your patterns and you can still work on breaking those patterns. That's been a healing journey for me.

Listen to the episode here.

Read Nancy's story here.

Joel: Listen to the Small, Still Voice

Joel Kimmel, who I've had the honor of being guided by, mentored by, supported by - such a wise, calming force in my life. Joel tells two remarkable stories of how he nearly died, went to the other side, and came back with additional guidance and wisdom.

What I love about Joel's story is when he talks about walking out the door and hearing a voice in his head saying, "Joel, put on your Apple Watch." And he responded, "No, no, no, I'm just going over here." The voice said again, "Joel, put on your Apple Watch." And he put it on.

Then he's coming back and the voice said, "Turn around before going down the stairs." And he didn't. But thank God he had his Apple Watch on because when he fell, the Apple Watch said, "Joel, are you okay? Shall I call an ambulance?"

Thank God for that, because he probably would have gone into shock and died since his wife wasn't going to be home for several hours.

That's such a powerful lesson for all of us to listen to the small, still voice inside and practice that with little things. Like walking out the door and there's an umbrella and I'm thinking, it's not raining, there's sun outside, why am I staring at the umbrella? Well, take it. You have nothing to lose by taking the umbrella. But nine times out of ten, it's gonna rain.

It is shocking how I will come into a room and look around and say, why am I in this room? And there'll be something - oh, my glasses are there, and I'm going to need those when I get in the car. Just practicing those small ways we can listen to that voice and pay attention and not let our rational minds take over.

Every single day in my executive coaching practice, people are telling me what their rational minds are telling them. When I ask them, if I gave you total permission to do what you wanted to do, if you had an actual choice in the moment, what would you do differently? If you could do anything you wanted right now, what would it be?

They almost always have an answer. They almost always know what they want. What's important. What they secretly wish inside. And they're just afraid. Or they don't think it's possible. Or they feel like it will disrupt everyone's lives if they go take a cooking class because they secretly want to be a chef.

Sometimes it's just a cooking class that is going to bring them joy. Maybe they don't need to quit their job and be a chef. Maybe they need to cook for their family. I coached a guy who wanted to be a chef, went to school to be a chef, worked as a chef, and realized he didn't want to be a chef. He was okay being a CEO who cooked for his children every night.

Yet had he not pursued the cooking course, had he not worked evenings and weekends and part time as a chef while he was still being a CEO, that dream would have stayed inside him forever. He would have had sadness and regret and probably anger and bitterness if he had not tried.

I'm such a believer in just trying, just doing an experiment, one step towards the thing that you love and that you want to do.

Listen to the episode here.

Read Joel's story here.

Maria: Education Changes Legacy

Maria's story is about that. Maria benefited, as did I, from education. My father was the first in his family to go to school. My mother dropped out of college - she was given a scholarship by the nuns but ended up having to drop out to raise three children. She would study nights and weekends to get her PhD.

Both my parents were college professors. I've counted so far between children, stepchildren and grandchildren - thanks to my dad going to college, getting a scholarship during the Vietnam era to study linguistics at a time when the government wanted people studying linguistics - we have benefited greatly in our family. It has changed the legacy of our family because of college.

Maria's story really is about that, about how education changed her life. Now she and her husband are committed to changing other people's lives through their work. And that's a dream. It's nights and weekends on the side of her real job. Yet she's so committed and so devoted, and that's what it takes to pursue our dreams.

Sometimes it's not our day job, sometimes it's something we do on the side. Yet we have this call in our heart and we know this mission that we have to pursue no matter what.

Listen to the episode here.

Read Maria's story here.

Ginny: Speaking Truth to Power

Ginny, for me, is such a truth teller. Such a speaker in a way that calls us to do what we're here to do. I love her authenticity, and I love her willingness to speak the truth, even if it's not popular what she's saying. Her clients really appreciate that in her - she's guiding them in a way that is unmistakably a clarion call for all of us.

Listen to the episode here.

Read Ginny's story here.

My Dad: The Power of Vulnerability

We ended with my dad. My dad was the most popular episode in Season 1, and that's because he was vulnerable. Because he was authentic, because he shared his story with us. Because he didn't back down from hard topics - his own weaknesses, his own failings as a father and a husband.

We brought him back for this episode, the last episode in season two, and he and I talk about the unconscious and archetypes and the Jungian approach to our psyches. That has shaped a lot of my thinking in the world.

I love our conversation about these different topics. What is the unconscious and how does it work in us, and how do we become more conscious in our work? We talked about dreams. I just had a powerful dream this morning and I wrote it down, and I'm noodling on it and thinking, what does it mean and why did I have it?

I love that. I love working with my dreams and how the unconscious comes to us in our sleep and either provides us information or teaches us or gives us opportunities to learn while we're sleeping. I think that's super cool. I like managing my time. I like being efficient. It feels like a very efficient operating system to have dreams come to us and guide us when we're sleeping.

Listen to the episode here.

Read Bob's story here.

Be Your Own Guru

I was recently reminded that in 2014, I was telling my sister Janice about a class I was taking and another workshop I was taking, and she sent me an email and said, "Hey, why don't you be your own guru?"

I was thinking about creating my own online training. And I thought, there's the title right there. Be Your Own Guru.

I'm hoping that these conversations will help you do the same. I'm hoping that hearing other people's stories will guide you back to yourself and your own learnings, and your own awareness, and your own dreams, and your own signs and synchronicities that are guiding you, and the small voice you have inside that is showing you the way to your intuition.

I want you to be your own guru. That's my wish for you.